Sunday, May 25, 2008

From the pages of the requiem...

Would the world be better without me?

It’s odd how such a thought would enter my mind when I’m rather busy. I had set the boards down and now prepared myself to stain them a dark red. I had been contracted to make yet another tree house, and its progress was slow. She likes red, so I look through the exponential number of textures to find something that would work for her.

Would your world be better without you?

I let out a sigh and set aside the hammer and nails and sat on my knees looking up into the heavens spreading my arms wide. We all have spirits within us I believe the Baron calls them guiding spirits. To me it is my aura, my strength and I am an embodiment of them and without this link TotalLunar Eclipse would cease to exist.

My human is on the mend from being ill as of recent so I am not surprised that I hear these thoughts. They always question their worth when they feel useless.

This is hard to explain. I have two aura’s, two spirits. One was once a great man before he was stripped of rank and nobility by his own mother. This spirit manifests itself as you would know me because we are very much alike in both worlds. We have the same namesake for instance as well as appearance. We share the same thoughts and actions and manner of speech and were both shy and extremely quiet. I am his mirror out of the human world.

Then there’s the other, the demon within.

Legend says that when a human goes through extreme grief, sorrow or anger that their emotions turn into them into a powerful demonic entity. This one is so powerfully emotional that their very presence leaves an imprint of feeling wherever they go that even upon touch can be felt without a word uttered. Being both empathic and telepathic their world is nothing but mental pain and torture. They wish to be heard but can never be listened to so they speak a great deal using my words and if it gives them comfort I allow it.

This is my demonic manifestation and severely protected by both the fallen human and myself. I know that this is confusing. I do not expect to be understood.

“Pray with me.” The human prays… the demon still stirs.

My whispered prayers do nothing to push back the feelings and I sighed as an ear twitched at the light wind. I kneel over in pain as the bones in my back begin to expand preparing for the break of flesh when the wings appear and the massive headache that happens when the great weight of the horns presses on my cranium. Its already hard enough with my elongated ears to carry yet another burden.

I feel so tired after these episodes unable to feel anything but great sadness and regret. How long will this last? Are the good opinions of others so great it would cloud judgment and release emotional chaos or is it because my human is still wounded and feeling helpless?

I could see my human shrug before I gave a slight sigh knowing this week was going to just suck.

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